If…..Would Be……

Declaration: this article is completely 100% satire and opinion, and hence does not come under the purview of the Protection from Online Falsehoods and Manipulation Act (POFMA). Nowadays,  one cannot be too careful about such things…..

OK, here we go…..

If private hospitals were handbags…..

  • Mount Elizabeth Orchard would be a Birkin (The older tai tais’ favourite)
  • Mount Elizabeth Novena would be a Kelly (More stylish for the younger but equally rich tai tais)
  • Gleneagles would be a Chanel 2.55 (always reliably upmarket)
  • Raffles would be a Kwanpen (local and upmarket)
  • Mount Alvernia would be a LV
  • Thomson would be a Coach
  • Farrer Park would be a Kate Spade
  • Parkway East would be a Bonia

 

If recent healthcare events were like Marvel Comics Universe heroes….

  • Informed Consent would be Spiderman (Swinging from doctor centric to patient centric and very sticky)
  • Third Party Administrators would be Thor (getting fat by doing little or no work)
  • HIV data leak would be Loki
  • NEHR would be like the Avengers Headquarters (Always getting attacked & repeatedly destroyed)
  • MOHH would be Captain Marvel (missing all the action when half the universe died)

 

If SMC affairs were likened to Marvel Comics’ Universe Infinity Stones

  • Lawyers would be the Power Stone (makes all other stones more lethal)
  • MOH would be the Mind Stone (can make SMC ownself appeal against ownself)
  • SMC Disciplinary Process would be the Time Stone (Can make time stop and really delay you to no end)
  • The latest SMC ECEG would be the Soul Stone (controls all life)
  • The Modified Montgomery Tests would be the Space Stone (warps spatial realities and laws of physics and increases uncertainty)
  • Court of Three Judges would be the Reality Stone (Can override SMC-judgment realities)
  • SMC Leadership possesses the Pym Particles like Antman (nowhere to be seen when a crisis like The Snap strikes)

 

If Public Hospitals were Star Wars Planets

  • Toa Payoh would be Alderaan (completely destroyed)
  • SGH would be Coruscant (very crowded, crazy traffic and damn stressful)
  • NUH would be Naboo (since it has produced three Sith Lords in succession)
  • TTSH would be the forest moon of Endor (where the fuzzy cute teddy bears live)
  • CGH would be Mon Calamari (Where all the blur sotongs came from, like Admiral Akbar)
  • SKGH would be Hoth (Frozen and Forgotten in the North)
  • NTFGH would be Cloud City of Bespin (All the verandahs look like they are in the clouds)

 

If doctors were Lord of the Ring places

  • CFPS would be like Gondor
  • Academy of Medicine Singapore would be like Rivendell where the very cultured and elegant immortal elves rule (or so they would like to think)
  • The Alumni would be the Dwarven Moria in the Misty Mountains
  • SMA would be Hobbiton
  • COMB would be Barad-dur, and
  • Chee Yam Cheng would be Gandalf

 

If public healthcare were like the Game of Thrones

  • The public healthcare clusters would be like the kingdoms and households of Westeros
  • IMH doctors are like the Night’s Watch order (they guard The Wall and the rest of us don’t really know or want to know what’s beyond it)
  • MOH HQ is like the Targaryens in Pentos, Essos (Not really in charge anymore but still want to go back to the glory days, but be careful, they still own the dragons)
  • MOHH is like the House of Stark (it has taken over effective control over the running of King’s Landing)
  • Medisave, Medishield Life, Medifund, Fee Benchmarking, CHAS, Pioneer Generation Package, Merdeka Generation Package make up the Faith of the Seven

 

If Healthcare were like the world of Harry Potter,

  • Lawyers would be folks skilled in Parseltongue (A language that is associated with the Dark Arts)
  • Managed Care and TPAs would be dementors (They can suck the life out of you slowly)
  • Doctors who are senior hospital administrators would be Animagi (Can transform into animals once they are promoted to these positions)
  • Doctors who work in MOH HQ would be Metamorphmagi (who can change their appearance into something completely different once they work in MOH HQ)
  • Medical Concierges who ask for 15% or more of your bills can be considered as Death Eaters (like Voldemort)

 

If medical schools were like car brands

  • YLLSOM would be like Toyota (Cheap and Reliable, but boring)
  • Duke-NUS would be like Maserati (great engine sound, but performance-wise still cannot compete with the best)
  • TTSH would be like Nissan and Renault alliance (a bit confusing, considering its linkup with Imperial in the LKCSOM
  • Most Irish Medical Schools would be like Saab (no longer seen here)

 

If tertiary public hospitals were supermarket chains….

  • NUH would be Cold Storage (more atas)
  • TTSH would be Sheng Siong (Cheap and friendly)
  • SGH would be NTUC Fairprice (trying to be atas, like Fairprice Finest)

 

 

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