This month, we continue with the tradition of publishing some completely nonsensical letters from our alert but fictitious readers. For the avoidance of doubt, this column is written in the spirit and form of satire. If anyone is offended by this satire, go and suck your thumb. Trust me, it helps. To at least ingest some germs, if nothing else. Your microbiome needs it, since you are so uptight.
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Dear Hobbit
Why do second ward round?
Recently I have been asked by an insurer called Stinklife to justify why I was doing two ward rounds a day for my inpatients. In her email to me, this Assistant Manager of Shield Operations Team (sounds like a person from Marvel Avengers, hence I am very afraid) wrote, “Could you please further elaborate the medical indication/reasons for the justification on why the patient is required 2 visits per day from admission till discharge day. Also kindly state the timing for each visit on each day for our further review”.
I am very perplexed and upset. When I was a young MO working in public hospitals, I was told by my boss that a hardworking and good doctor always tried his best to do two ward rounds a day; a morning round and an evening round. I remember my more conscientious consultants doing their evening rounds with me before they went home.
Now it would appear Stinklife is trying to tell me that my evening round is unnecessary. 24 hours is a long time before an inpatient is seen again, the patient’s condition can turn for the worse in this period.
Dr Chin Du Lan
Cardiologist
Mount Noveau Hospital
Dear Colleague Du Lan,
I am with you all the way here. But it would appear that in our current climate in Middle-earth Healthcare, there is one ring to rule them all – and this is the Ring of the Insurer. This Ring is more powerful than what we learn from textbooks, research papers, CMEs and our professors and role models in the profession. It may have been two ward rounds a day in the past, but since the Wearer of the Ring of the Insurer has spoken, it is now only one round a day. This is mainly because the Wearer of the Ring of the Insurer Regulator sat on his ass for the last 10 years before sailing off into the sunset. The folks holding on to the Ring of the Healthcare Professionals cannot stand up to the wearers of the Ring of Insurers
On a more serious note, I do note that the standard of English from the Shield Operations Team is very bad. Really gave me a ogre-sized headache just going through those two unwieldy sentences.
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Dear Halfling
$5.99 Telemedicine
Greetings in the Year of the Smaug. May you HUAT all the way this year, win TOTO 12 million and your Healthier SG patient enrolment hit the roof!
Recently, I received this EDM tilted “Consult for a Medical Certificate”, the EDM further stated “Teleconsult for Minor Illnesses” – Get a medical consultation started in 5 minutes for $5.99 nett”, “No Video Consultation Required” and “SMC Registered Doctors”
Apparently, the medical consultation may just consist of filling up a form. The doctor will review your case (via the form you filled up online) and decide whether to give you an MC or not. They may get in touch with you if they need further information.
Doesn’t this smell of selling MCs? How does one determine a patient is deserving of an MC without a video consultation and apparently by just filling a form?
Can I do likewise?
Dr Chao Geng,
GP, Eat Snake Clinic
Dear Dr Chao Geng
Since you are also a SMC Registered Doctor, you can of course start a service similar to what is mentioned in the EDM. But a word of friendly advice- you should not charge this odd figure of $5.99. You should charge according to how our CDC Vouchers are designed – in multiples of $2, $5 or $10. This would facilitate faster transactions because your payer, I mean patient, doesn’t have to Paynow you the remaining 99 cents. We need to be more payer-centric, I mean, patient-centric.
You should also do a side business of selling snake soup in the shop lot adjacent to yours. I suspect your patients may have a certain predisposition to eating snake-derived products.
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Dear Shorty
Most Trusted Centre
Recently I have been approached by a person claiming to want to give my practice Tulang Orthopaedic Clinic an award for being one of the “Most Trusted Orthopaedic Centres Adopting Evidence Based Practices and Cutting Edge Treatments in 2024”
This award comes with other benefits, including two full-page exclusive story about Tulang Orthopaedic Clinic which will be designed with images, the issuance of a Certificate of Leadership Excellence, two authored articles written by any person representing the practice, among other things.
All of the above will come as long as I paid them USD2500. If I can buy trust and more patients for USD2500, why not? What do you think?
Dr Hoh Seng Lee
Emeritus Senior Consultant Mentor
Tulang Orthopaedic Clinic
Dear Dr Boh Seng Lee, I mean Dr Hoh Seng Lee
I can see why you want to improve your standing and branding in the market. However, you should really ask yourself if anyone reads this publication or website that gives out this award. And how many recipients of this award will there be? Maybe also 2,500?
You may be better off doing a 15 second dance routine on TikTok that highlights the joy of sucking marrow out of a long bone found in a bowl of orc soup. With today’s woke generation, that may get you more patients than getting an award for being “Most Trusted….”.
The Short One
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Dear Adik the Pendek
Who is Responsible?
I performed a haemorrhoidectomy on a 62 year-old in September last year. After sitting on my claim for some 4 months, I received a letter from the insurer last month asking me to give a memo to justify why a pre-operative ECG and Chest X-ray were needed for this patient. To add insult to injury, the email stated, “Please submit a referral letter/doctor’s memo for our review. Kindly note that the doctor’s memo fee (if any) is not payable under the policy”.
The patient is a 62 year-old. Isn’t it routine to do an ECG and Chest X-ray to assess anaesthetic risk? I am wondering who is asking such basic questions? More importantly, if we do not do a proper pre-anaesthesia workout and something bad happens, who is responsible? The insurer or the doctor?
Dr Tan Kah Chng, Giles,
Giles the Piles Clinic
Dear Kah Chng,
I sense much anger in you. That leads to the Dark Side. Anger leads to pain, and pain leads to suffering.
Please see my above reply to Dr Chin Du Lan. Unfortunately, a standard accessory item to the Ring of the Insurer is the Pendant of Non-Accountability. Wearers of this Pendant cannot be held accountable to any clinical outcome, good or bad, even though they can decide how healthcare services are priced, who can perform and get paid for these services. In short, you, the doctor is still responsible if some disciplinary tribunal decides you have not given professional services of a good enough standard by not ordering an ECG or a Chest X-ray for a 62 year-old patient, and then censures or suspends you from practice.
I need to caution you that the person who asked you to justify the investigations may also be a High Priest of the Insurer Order. These High Priests have developed the ability to ask an infinite number of stupid questions that are designed to frustrate and anger you and also to generate more and more paperwork to justify higher and higher management costs for the insurance company they work for.
Yeah, life in Middle-earth sucks for us doctors. Truth be told, if I can be reincarnated, I will want to come back as an Insurer. I am told the wearer of the Ring of Insurance Regulator has been cursed with the Spell of Somnolence by the dark Sauron, the effects of which seem to be permanent. It doesn’t seem the wearer will wake up anytime soon.
Your friendly neighbourhood, Adik the Pendek